The Freshman Experiment

Music: The Wombats - Let’s Dance to Joy Division

I was packing all of my toiletries and hygienic stuff today when I noticed that I have very little make-up. I looked up at myself in the mirror and just thought “you are not feminine.” Now I don’t doubt that I’m a girl, I promise I have all the anatomical parts that separate me from males, but in terms of the qualities that fall under the word “Feminine” I possess very little of those characteristics.

For instance, make-up has proven to be my one, true foe in life. The first time I put on mascara was in sixth grade when obnoxious eyeshadow and caked on foundation was the look all girls had in middle school. Reluctantly I bought my first tube of mascara, but a half hour after I put it on my lashes, it felt like my eyes were being flushed with hot water. I started scratching until my eyelids swelled and itchy, hive-like dots decorated my face. Ever since that traumatic allergic reaction I use mascara sparingly. I think the only time I wore it last year was for my birthday party and no one had gotten a chance to see it anyway because I got too drunk and wound up falling asleep at 11. The only thing I habitually put on my face besides soap and water is chapstick.

There is another thing that distinguishes me from the girly girls, and that’s BOYS. Sadly, all of the girls in my high school were boy-crazed. It was always “who am I going to hook up with tonight??” or “I wonder how I’m going to make So-and-so like me.” I never actively pursued someone which could be attributed to laziness more than anything else. The boys I hung out with and dated in high school had liked me for literally years before they mustered up the courage to ask me out. If they hadn’t gotten their acts together then I would’ve never known they liked me. It’s not that I ignore boys, it’s just they have never been a high priority. Even when I was in a relationship I never got too swept up by the all the love; I never made outlandish comments like we’re going to get married. I always knew that they were temporary relationships and I enjoyed them. Personally, I want to live a whole life before I meet my husband - pay my own bills, live alone in my own apartment, become successful on my own accord.

Food is also another divider. Too many of my girl friends are constantly worrying about calories and fat and all this other appetite-suppressing talk. I don’t eat myself into a coma but I do love food and I eat what I want when I want and I never feel guilty about it. Seriously. There have been days when I eat cheeseburgers and then a few hours later I’m happily gobbling an ice-cream sundae drowning in chocolate syrup. I mostly eat healthily but it’s not a conscious decision, it’s just that thankfully a lot of the foods I love are generally good for me (at school you can catch me eating lettuce dipped into basil vinaigrette dressing. Mmm, so delicious). My big philosophy is you’ve got one life, girl, so if you wanna have a brownie then have a brownie!

I once read this article or book, I forget, that basically said while we only have two sexes - male and female - we have multiple genders from Girly girls to Tomboys to Manly Men and so on. I’m sure there are tons of girls like me who are severely lacking in the femininity department. We could just be a whole sub-set of “female!” I should start a Facebook group.

Or what if gender is fluid and we can pass through different ones during our lifetimes? Like, maybe when I’m 35 I’ll suddenly become make-up, boy and calorie-obsessed.

I really hope that doesn’t happen.

What do you think? Am I onto something here or am I just talking out of my ass?

Music: Radiohead - My Iron Lung

I wanted to get this really awesome, leopard print hair straightener at the thrift store today, but a bunch of old Betties spotted it and started ragging on “young girls” who foolishly put heat to their hair. I walked up and down the aisle a little more, waiting for them to leave but they kept harping on “the youth of today.” After ten minutes I wanted to yell at them and say “If I don’t straightener my hair it’ll look like a poodle set up house on my head, so get off it!”  Unfortunately, I got sidetracked and saw an amazing, butterfly chair with an awesome cushion. It’s perfect for the common room I share with the DeniseGirls so I quickly grabbed it for only $5. When I went back to the straightener I realized it was gone and surveyed the store, trying to find out who had snatched it. I didn’t see anyone but when I went up to pay for my chair I saw that one of the old ladies had run back into the store to buy it for herself! She kept telling the clerk it was for her granddaughter but she was asking a million questions about whether it hurt to use it. I was so angry.

The annoying thing about thrift stores is that when you see something great you have to get it right away because there is a strong chance that it won’t be there the next time. Once I go back to buy something and see that it’s disappeared, I convince myself that the new owner probably won’t appreciate it as much as I would have, and I go home sulking.

Sigh.

After I brought my chair home I went out with Spaz to the college and lay out on the lush, green lawn. This is normal for us except that it was freshmen orientation today, so we were watching the 2012ers play their name games and introduce themselves over and over. It was so funny and strange because we had to do the same thing last year. The new students were eyeing us and probably wondering why these two crazy girls were sitting around, quietly laughing to themselves. We were at the college for about 2 hours then we went back home. I took a long nap before being awakened by Nuzzler’s call. She’s leaving tomorrow morning for school, so Spaz and I went over her house to see her before she left. As much as I don’t want her to go, I’m realizing that saying goodbye has gotten a lot easier. Last summer I was a pile of tears but this time I hugged Nuzzler and told her I’d most likely see her in October when I visit.

We helped pack her van and now I’m back in my room, trying to pack up my own things. I’ve done at least 150 pounds of laundry and my arms hurt from folding for hours on end (I’m really out of shape!). I’m taking a ridiculous amount of stuff with me but I swear I need it all! Well, maybe I don’t need to bring an entire duffel bag with books labeled “Recreational Reading” because, let’s face it, once the semester starts I won’t be doing any reading for pleasure. I just can’t bear to leave them at home, collecting dust.

Guys, thanks for indulging my nosy behavior and telling me about your first days. I want to respond to everyone in an entry so…here we go!

GoodbyeMidnight - I wish I was moving in on Thursday. I don’t get back to LAC until Saturday and I’ve been anxious to go for awhile now. I think it’s great that you found some place that’s close to home. I actually was accepted to a college that’s literally two minutes from my house and I just couldn’t envision myself going there. I wanted to be the first person in my family to get out of our home-state, but I have to admit, I am sometimes envious of my siblings. They can just drive home, do their laundry instead of shelling out $1.25, and get a home-cooked meal. One of my brothers went to a school about 45 minutes from home and he said it felt like he was a world away! So, you never know, it could feel like “you went away” for college.

Mizzie - You question whether being excited and terrifed is normal…of course it is! When I shoved my luggage into my mom’s car last August I wanted to simultaneously be driving on the highway towards LAC and walking to Spaz’s house so we could sit on her front porch. Basically, I wanted to go as much as I didn’t want to go. I’m not sure if that makes sense but it’s just a mess of conflicted feelings that is perfectly normal. :)

Ahh, I think you’ve brought more stuff than me. Just remember that it’s your dorm for only a year, so packing up in May or June, whenever you get out, could be a hassle if you’ve brought your whole world with you. I didn’t bring a ton of stuff with me to college but I ended up accumulating a lot and packing to leave was a bitch. My bags were a good 75 pounds each.

I thought my school was small but 17 people in your graduating class?! Is it close to a city or bustling town?

Saramaile - Honestly, it wasn’t until my mom asked me offhand near the end of my senior year in high school whether I wanted to take a gap year. The thought never occured to me at all. The high school I went to boasted the traditional path of going to college immediately after graduation and then getting a job. If a gap year had been an option for me I think I would’ve been really interested in doing it. How is Paris and where are you going next? You have no idea how jealous I am of you. I’ve wanted to travel all my life but a big family means no big vacations. After language school are you staying in Europe for the year or another year? Do you plan on going to college? Sorry, I’m being nosy again.

Gringa - Wow, you guys start late. I have to admit I am really ignorant of the university experience across the pond. I can relate to having too many options though. My first month at college I had wanted to join five or six clubs but I quickly realized it wasn’t going to happen. I hope that the people you’re sharing your flat with are nice. I didn’t have a roommate, thank God, but I did have a loud neighbor that I wrote about here. My friend, Spaz, had a triple and she didn’t get along with one girl but her second roommate was really great. They didn’t have the same close friends but they genuinely liked each other.

Well, I need to do laundry, clean my room, pack, pack pack and then start saying goodbye. This is going to be a long, hectic week.

Mizzie, Chellybean, and any other FreshX users who are starting their first year - TELL ME HOW IT IS SO FAR? What kind of college are you going to, big or small? What orientation activity are you doing? Does your roommate seem nice? Come on, guys, you lived vicariously through me for a year , now I wanna live through you!

Music: The Twilight Singers - Underneath The Waves

Last night the three other girls who make up our entire “group” were finally home from researching at college, camp, or vacation. We gathered at Spaz’s house, the new one she’s been moving into all summer. We’ve all been hoping that her parents would change their minds and stay at her old house because it’s where the four of us would spend the most time, especially in her backyard. It’s jampacked with little moments of us eating Chinese food on her hammock, sitting around her dining room table laughing at nothing, and trading book recommendations on her front porch. It was strange and upsetting to unpack her things and put up old pictures on new walls.

The cardboard boxes and piles of duct tape were obnoxiously literal signs that we’re moving on. Pretty soon we got tired of staying inside so we grabbed a bottle of vodka and ran down the street to Spaz’s old house. We sat cross-legged on her overgrown grass and chased our alcohol with Gatorade and orange juice. The conversation traveled back to college, of course, and how strange it is to know that we’ve put an entire year between us and high school. I’ve never seen half of the kids who go there now, and by this time next year, my old high school will be filled with new kids who have probably never heard my name. And while I’m eager to get back to LAC and see all of my friends, I’m getting jealous of all the new freshman with Facebook statuses saying “So-and-so is packing for her first year of college!” or Mizzie’s exuberant post on the forum. A small part of me wishes I could travel back to this time last August when I had all those nervous, anxious feelings.

Drunk on poorly-mixed drinks and our own conversation, we walked around the neighborhood for awhile. We started talking to each other, at each other, over each other. It was a mess of sloppy words and a desperate need to tell one another that this summer was incredible - that our friendships are incredible.

I can’t say this about everyone, but although the four of us were certainly changed by our freshmen year, we managed to grow up and grow towards each other.